Five Things You CAN'T Do This Weekend

Five things you can't do around town this weekend:

1. Get upset with your neighbors for re-creating the sound of the Battle at Gettysburg
   We know your 3-year-old just got to bed and you're tired, but it's once a year. Let your neighbors explode things while blasting Freebird. (I believe Freebird was the official anthem of the Battle of Gettysburg, right?)
2. Be inspired by the annual Nathan's hot dog eating contest.
   Just because Kobayashi can cram dozens of dogs into his mouth in a short period of time doesn't mean you can do the same thing to your grandmother's potato salad. Leave it to the professionals.
3. Be blamed for starting your lawnmower at 8 a.m. the morning after you stayed awake until 3 a.m. listening to your neighbors yelling Freebird with the occasional cry of "Think this'll explode?"
   Hey, payback can be painful, and that lawn has to get done.
4. Wear the wool hat!!
   We get it, you're very fashionable and you're after that one girl that's bound to show up during the festival. But the paramedics don't need to be spending their time reviving you because you passed out, again, wearing your Colin Ferrel-inspired garment on a day where the temperature hit triple digits.
5. OMG!! You shouldn't be texting! LOL! It's annoying!! :)
   This is one of those weekends where the family should get out and enjoy the events together. Sit on the deck, on the boat or watch the fireworks without sending texts to everybody you know. Enjoy the , or with the people you're with. Unless your texting grandma about needing more potato salad after your Kobayashi-inspired binge.