Are You Boring?

Do you find yourself bored in conversation with others? Are you the one boring others? Great! Me too (on both counts). This post is for you. Cheers!

Gretchen Rubin at The Happiness Project, gives seven signs to watch out for, and seven tips to avoid boring someone.

Here they are:

7 signs you’re boring someone:

1.  Repeated, perfunctory responses. A person who says, “Oh really? Oh really? That’s interesting. Oh really?” is probably not too engaged. Or a person who keeps saying, “That’s hilarious.”

2.  Simple questions. People who are bored ask simple questions. “When did you move?” “Where did you go?” People who are interested ask more complicated questions that show curiosity, not mere politeness.

3.  Interruption. Although it sounds rude, interruption is actually a good sign, I think. It means a person is bursting to say something, and that shows interest.

4.  Request for clarification. A person who is sincerely interested in what you’re saying will need you to elaborate or to explain. “What does that term mean?” “When exactly did that happen?”

5.  Imbalance of talking time. I suspect that many people fondly suppose that they usually do eighty percent of the talking in a conversation because people find them fascinating. Sometimes, it’s true…In general, though, people who are interested in a subject have things to say themselves; they want to add their own opinions, information, and experiences. If they aren’t doing that, they probably just want the conversation to end faster.

6.  Body position. People with a good connection generally turn fully to face each other. A person who is partially turned away isn’t fully embracing the conversation.

7.  Audience posture. An audience that’s upright and still is interested, while an audience that’s horizontal and squirmy is bored.

7 topics to avoid in conversation (to avoid boring someone):

    1. A dream. 
            2. The recent changes in your child’s nap schedule. 
            3. The route you took to get here. 
            4. An excellent meal you once had at a restaurant. 
            5. The latest additions to your wine cellar.
            6. An account your last golf game.
            7. The plot of a movie, play, or movie—in particular, "the funny parts."

Also helpful, is Julian Treasure’s TED presentation on how to be a better listener (especially when you are dealing with boredom!). If you don’t have time to watch the video, then the most practical thing I took away from it was his 4-step model to engaged listening:

1. Receive- pay attention

2. Appreciate- make verbal affirmations that you are listening (Yeah, uh-              huh, sure….)

3. Summarize- the word “so…” is important here

4. Ask- follow up with questions

Thanks for reading- Here’s to a less boring Crystal Lake! Woot!